Why We Get Defensive. Are you reacting because you are possessive of the other person so much? They are insecure and overly sensitive to any slight. Bringing your relation in harmony is an art and requires you to bring down your expectations to the level of what you offer! Being with someone who is excessively needy is excessively exhausting. Step 5 You shouldn’t only think about type of emotion, but the intensity of that emotion, too. If you're feeling something, don't hide it or bury it. Manage your strong feelings so they are your allies, rather than enemies. 1. The more peaceful you get from within, the more peaceful you will be with others. Put yourself in their shoes and think how smothered you would be. Remember every action has an equal and opposite reaction! And even if you get it, do depend on it all the time? Are you looking for others to make you feel good about yourself – always looking outside ‘self’ for reassurance? Avoidant people often come across as dismissive, often minimize closeness and were raised in an environment that was less emotional and one in which insecurity and neediness were not tolerated. Don't be clingy! They are often emotionally overwhelmed and will reach out and ‘need’ their partner more to make them feel secure or constantly remind them of how they feel. It is often the lack of this understanding, that men are unable to provide what many women are looking for. Who want’s that? This is NOT being in a healthy relationship nor expressing your needs in a healthy way. Well, its not difficult! Identifying your real feelings is an important first step in overcoming emotional sensitivity. "Codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner," Dr. Jennifer Rhodes, a … She specializes in couples counseling, marriage, dating, relationship challenges, and becoming your best self!. Your email address will not be published. • Do you get jealous of things that he/she is doing without you? It can also be present in more than just a romantic relationship — codependency can exist in any relationship, whether it's one with your partner, a parent, or a friend. It never is. They typically had parents (or a parent) who was inconsistently nurturing. That said, women’s friendships aren’t perfect either. Because no matter how much their try, it just isn’t enough. If you are a more emotional person or someone who falls hard when in love, finding techniques or ways to erode sensitivity can be tough. What about your relationship with other friends or family? This can be done if you think before you leap. • Do you get upset if your partner doesn’t react in a certain way, doesn’t meet a need? Emotional connection is of great importance in any successful relationship. They have an insatiable and exhausting emotional ‘neediness.’. Don't settle for screaming matches and slamming doors. However, their partner experiences something very different. Try not to be an egoist! • Do you look to your partner to fulfill all your needs in love, sex, and support? Emotional issues often go unresolved because intimate partners are too reactive initially, which buries the underlying problem. However, their partner experiences something very different. Is it difficult to be alone? And even if you get it, do depend on it all the time? Also analyze what are those things that cause you to get emotional. Have you ever thought about the reasons of a bad relationship? Emotional reactions are sudden and can spoil or even end a relation if left untamed. How to Be Less Emotional in a Relationship. This problem is arising from within. What Am I Feeling? • Is your relationship the center of your universe? • If you are alone, do you do things to fill the void with other distractions? Are you afraid your partner will not be there for you? They have an insatiable and exhausting emotional ‘neediness.’. Most specifically YOGA can bring peace of mind and body and help in mastering your reactive nature. Your email address will not be published. When you login first time using a Social Login button, we collect your account public profile information shared by Social Login provider, based on your privacy settings. RUN. • Do you look to your partner to fulfill all your needs in love, sex, and support? • Is your relationship the center of your universe? And yes it is very important to tame your emotions. Holistic View of Defensiveness. And when you lack emotional health and you are in a relationship, you may put your needs on the backburner for your partner, which creates a void inside of you. Putting aside my pain for a moment, I look at the situation from the other person’s perspective.Did she or he intend to make me feel this way? Wives who cite their husband’s “emotional unavailability” as the primary cause of divorce initiate two out of every three divorces today. Some of the key characteristics are: When we first met, it was like it was meant to be. Pay attention to your physical health, as it has a huge impact on your mental and emotional well-being. three × 3 =. Aim to get a minimum of seven hours of sleep every night, eat a nutritious, balanced diet, drink plenty of water and exercise regularly to increase your body's serotonin levels. How to Be Less Emotional in a Relationship Finding a way to bring down your sensitivity while you are in a relationship is easier said than done. If it’s due to your emotional nature then one thing is for sure; being emotional is not a bad thing but being a slave of your emotions is a real red signal! But how to do this? Before you can work through negative emotions, you need to identify them. Instead of letting yourself wallow in jealousy, you can opt to take strides to feel less of the dreaded emotion in your relationship. Reactions can cause certain uninvited consequences and may not be fruitful in the life to come. Simply put, that’s how healthy relationships thrive and grow. Because no matter how much their try, it just isn’t enough. How has needing someone or expressing your needs become such a bad thing? Anxious people are the ones that present and who more often than not seen as overly needy. Stay away from being emotional intentionally. Simply put, that’s how healthy relationships thrive and grow. There are as many reasons for emotional distance as there are unique relationships, and the important next step is to find the root cause and address the problem together. Everyone is emotionally needy to some point but the problem is when your neediness becomes smothering to your partner. Are there any expectations that you have towards your partner and when they are not met, you get emotional? If you’re a highly sensitive person, take these six steps to overcome your emotional sensitivity. But then again, feeling needed gets a bad rap. They worry about their partner’s love and ‘search out’ for all the mannerisms and nuances that might indicate that their partner doesn’t love them. Mindfulness can help to reduce distressing emotions and pressures associated with emotional reactivity. However, feeling loved and needed is far from being needy. Three attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant help create how secure or insecure we feel in relationships. There are many good ways and techniques that can help you become less emotional and can smooth out your relation. You Think He’s Playing Games But He Just Doesn’t Like You. Ask yourself these questions: • Do you look at your romantic partner to make you happy? Yes! Just sit down for a while and think whether your expectations are unrealistic. What is their partner saying to themselves? Having empathy is part of having emotional intelligence. We may provoke additional emotional distance by saying things we know will sting our partner the most. In case if they are not, then think if you are also coming up to their expectations. It’s normal to become emotionally invested in people you care about, but if you feel like you can't be happy without a certain romantic partner, family member, or friend, you’ve crossed the line into emotional dependency. To improve our behavioral health, it is a very good tip to do physical exercises and meditations that will help you soothe out the reactive nature in you. • Do you get upset if your partner doesn’t react in a certain way, doesn’t meet a need? And yet, anxious people do the very thing they know they shouldn’t do – they push their partner away. ... the less likely you and a partner are to grow apart. Are you afraid your partner will not be there for you? Contemplate their emotional experience and recognize the emotions they feel. • Do you look to your partner for constant reassurance and validation? • Does it bother you if you are not included in your partner’s plans? Imagine you’re writing a report on your emotions and you need to be as detailed as possible. Required fields are marked *, Prove You\'re Human * the moment, it sounds like a good idea and feels so comforting – for them. It’s best to give your partner the space he or she needs. And our personality and attachment style – our style based on how we learned to relate to our parents and how emotionally available they were – is critical in our ability to express our needs in a healthy way and not create an overdose of neediness. As time goes by, you are going to remember all the fun times of your relationship and not how much you fought with your boyfriend. Or when alone, do you go over past conversations or worry that he/she might leave? Or when alone, do you go over past conversations or worry that he/she might leave? Empathy means observing your emotions less and the emotions of those around you. friends or your kids? What it means is that you are suffocating the other person with the walls of possession and you are guarding to not let them out. Identify your emotions carefully and specifically. An emotional affair describes a relationship where the level of emotional intimacy is excessive and where the level of emotion invested in someone outside of … When I trust that others aren’t trying to hurt me, I can take them out of the equation and focus on what I’m feeling. Or invest more to earn more! Are you looking for others to make you feel good about yourself – always looking outside ‘self’ for reassurance? After all, first things first. Understand that maybe you are too emotional sometimes, but your partner needs to realize that you are allowed to express yourself. • Does it bother you if you are not included in your partner’s plans? You cannot encourage growth, compliment them, or reassure them – enough. Have you ever thought about the reasons of a bad relationship? You definitely won’t want someone to get clingy! Would love your thoughts, please comment. Anxious people are the ones that present and who more often than not seen as overly needy. Is it so bad that we are hardwired to need people and feel connected? friends or your kids? She helps her clients focus on solutions rather than problems, so they can get to a healthier place, faster. • If you are alone, do you do things to fill the void with other distractions? Practicing mindfulness, being aware and observing your thoughts and feelings in the present moment without judgment, according to the article, "How Mindfulness Can Help You Regulate Emotions," published on the Psych Central website. Do you feel abandoned if your partner is not available? It’s rare when a good person is deliberately cruel, and it’s obvious when a mean person is bullying. If you want to stop being so emotional and reacting to things in such an emotional manner, you can do a lot worse than to follow the advice above. If things feel off, we can communicate clearly what we want, but … RUN. So, to understand the ‘neediness negative factor’ in relationships, it’s important to understand our attachment style. Realize that our physical health is related with our behavioral health. In their mind, they might be screaming, ‘stop doing this’, ‘don’t be so needy’, ‘don’t keep asking he/she the same question’. They are worn out. They leave the relationship because they simply cannot keep up with the neediness or the demands of the other person. Think before you react Becoming too emotionally needy creates an unhealthy dynamic in even the best relationships, so if you find your own neediness is out of control, … This created inner angst and turmoil and contributed to their anxiety – especially around relationships. Do you feel abandoned if your partner is not available? Their behaviors are very counterproductive, yet in the moment, it sounds like a good idea and feels so comforting – for them. Not quite sure? At the far end of the life cycle, older men without close relationships have 20 percent lower ten-year survival rates compared with those who do. 1. Emotional Stress with a long-term relationship [ 9 Answers ] Hi, I've been in a relationship with this girl for about two years now. RUN. Is it difficult to be alone? Recently however, we hit a bit of a bump. How to Be Less Emotional in a Relationship, How to Breast Feed Your Baby Successfully, How to Greet People at Your First Introduction. Sensitive people like you are good at noticing details in all aspects of life, so when it comes to your relationship -- where your partner is your main focus -- you're even better at it. Some of the key characteristics are: For the partner? You cannot encourage growth, compliment them, or reassure them – enough. Keep a check on the expectations People particularly women tend to value emotional attachment in romantic relationships. But, let’s set the record straight. They feel emotionally tapped out and overwhelmed by their neediness. Their fear of failure may make them less likely to take risks, and their heightened emotions may cause relationship problems. In a relationship there is always an understanding or compromise that needs to be made when there is conflict. Emotional support is one of the big benefits of having relationships. RUN. Emotional sensitivity is healthy, but at a certain point sensitivity can end up being detrimental. When we use the word ‘needed’ most people say, but I don’t want to seem needy. • Do you get jealous of things that he/she is doing without you? We also get your email address to automatically create an account for you in our website. They minimize or deny their needs and look to others to fill their emotional gaps and emptiness in a way that often becomes manipulative. A relationship should be equal in terms of maturity and kindnesses exchanged. 3. RUN. Avoidant people often come across as dismissive, often minimize closeness and were raised in an environment that was less emotional and one in which insecurity and neediness were not tolerated. While you do have to come to terms with your sensitive nature to some extent, the 5 tips above can help you to manage that sensitivity so that it doesn’t affect your day-to-day life so much. The other three horsemen are: criticism, contempt and stonewalling. Analyze the problem that makes you react to something. Dr. Davin is a Solution Focused Therapist and Coach. When Anger Becomes Emotional Abuse: How to Control Anger and Frustration in a Relationship The way couples deal with anger can often make or break a relationship. Once your account is created, you'll be logged-in to this account. If you find yourself focusing largely on your own emotions, take a step back and notice the emotions of the people around you. First of all, one must analyze the reasons of getting emotional. It never is. The need to run grows exponentially every day until, one day they run. How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship Dial Back The Neediness. RUN. Aim to have fun in your relationship . If this is the case then do not blame the other person for it! • Do you look to your partner for constant reassurance and validation? Exercise and mediate Building emotional strength requires daily exercise, just like building physical strength. What about your relationship with other friends or family? Defensiveness is one of the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse.. As per John Gottman research, when the four horsemen of the apocalypse engulf a relationship, divorce ensues in more than 90% of the times.. In the absence of an emotional bond, partners may sometimes feel disconnected. Egotism will not bring anything pleasant in your life and you will attract all sorts of bad people who will increase your reactive nature even more. If it’s due to your emotional nature then one thing is for sure; being emotional is not a bad thing but being a slave of your emotions is a real red signal! Emotional dependency and love often look alike. Those relationships either burn out fast or take a slow burn and get to a place where a person feels suffocated. But it’s like they cannot stop themselves. Our ability to express our needs and being independent inside of a relationship and thus creating an interdependent relationship is key. Emotional distance between partners can cause each partner to feel isolated and alone in the relationship, rather than supported and encouraged by a significant other. [1] X Expert Source Lauren Urban, LCSW Licensed Psychotherapist Expert Interview. So avoid being emotional by avoiding being an egoist. No one wants to suffocate in a relationship. Secure people present themselves as warm and loving and were most likely raised with caregivers that were consistently caring and responsive. Take these tips to become less emotional in your relationship and lighten up. It is therefore better to think about the cost you have to pay before getting emotional. What is their partner saying to themselves? It takes a fair bit of self-discovery to uncover some of the underlying triggers behind emotional reactivity, but the benefits are obvious: less unnecessary emotional disturbance, a better relationship with your loved ones, and seeing your partner and reality more clearly. Over-sensitivity may lead you to assume slights that you imagined, or are not intentional. Emotional reactions are sudden and can spoil or even end a relation if left untamed. Everything fell into place at just the right time and landed us together. That way, your partner is less likely to associate your relationship with negative feelings, which makes the relationship stronger in the long run. • Do you look at your romantic partner to make you happy? Or you allow your emotions to take over and run the show, causing all sorts of havoc in your life. Strides to feel less of the people around you connection is of great importance in successful... Can opt to take over and run the show, causing all sorts havoc! 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